Why Parents Have Gray Hair

29 Oct

A father, passing by his sons’ bedroom,  was astonished to see that his bed was neatly made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to “Dad”.  With a sinking feeling, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad,

It is  with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is so much older than me.  But it’s not only the passion-Dad- she’s pregnant.

Stacy says that we will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more children.  Stacy has opened my eyes to that fact the marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.  We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people who live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime,  we will pray that science finds a cure for Aids so Stacy can get better,  She deserves it.

Don’t worry Dad, I’m fifteen and know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.


Your Son Tom


P.S. Dad,  none of  the above is true.  I’m over at Steves’ house.  I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer.  Call me when it’s safe to come home.




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