The Next “Survivor” Series

19 May

Six men will be dropped on a island with one car and three kids each for six weeks.  Each kid will take either music or dance lessons.  There is no fast food.  Each man must take care of his three kids;  keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete the science projects,  cook,  do laundry,  and pay a list of “pretend” bills with  not enough money.  In addition,  each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.  Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives and send out cards on time.  Each man must also take each child to the doctor’s appointment.  dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.  He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient trip to the Urgant Care Center.  He must also make 10 dozen cookies or cupcakes for a social/school function with less than twentyfour hours notice.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his assigned home,  planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.  The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.  The men must shave their legs,  wear uncomfortable but stylish shoes,  keep fingernails manicured and eyebrows groomed.  During one of the six weeks,  the men wil have to endure severe abdominal cramps,  bach aches,  and have extreme, unexplained mood swings,  but will not be permitted to complain or slow down from other duties.  They must attend weekly school meetings,  church,  and find time at least once to spend an afternoon in the park or similar setting.  They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night,  and in the morning,  feed them,  dress them,  brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks and each father will be required to know all of the following information:  each child’s birthday,  height,  weight,  shoe size,  clothing sizes and doctor’s name.  Also,  the child’s weight at birth,  length, time of birth.  and length of labor,  each child’s favorite color,  favorite drink,  favorite toy,  what grade they are in and teachers’ name,  biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids will vote them off the island based on performance.  The last man wins only if he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moments notice.  IF the last man does win,  he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

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