2 pounds of potatoes (preferably russet) peeled and cubed
2 tbsps. of white vinegar
1 celery stalk, finely chopped
2 tbsps. of minced onion
3/4 cup of mayonnaise
1 tsp. celery seed
1 tsp. dry mustard
2 hard boiled eggs (peeled and cubed)
Boil the potatoes in their skins until fork tender. While the potatoes are cooking, add all the remaining ingredients to the mayonnaise and stir well to combine. When potatoes are fork tender, drain and rinse under cold water and the skins should slide right off. Add mayonnaise mixture and stir to coat potatoes. Refrigerate for at least 6 hours (preferably overnight) to bring out the flavor.
Boiling water is essential to many recipes. If you have never cooked before, don’t worry. It is not as difficult as it may appear. This recipe will guide you through the process, even if you have never set foot in a kitchen.
Special equipment: 12-quart stockpot
serves 48, cooking time 5 minutes, total time varies
Open your cupboard or wherever it is you store your cookware.
Locate a 12-quart stockpot. If you do not have a 12-quart stockpot, you may use whatever size pot you have; in that event, keep in mind that serving size here is 1 cup and there are 4 cups in a quart. Do the math.
Place your pot in the sink under the tap. If you have never used a sink before, it is the large depression in your counter top. (If you live with someone else, they may have filled it with dirty dishes; in this case, wash them or simply remove them from the sink and place them in the oven ? someone else will eventually discover them there and wash them.)
Turn the cold-water knob to the “on” position. Some people (like my dad) prefer to let the water run a little bit. This is optional but encouraged ? if it’s a hot day or someone has previously used the “hot” water knob, the warmer water will eventually be replaced by truly cold water.
Fill stockpot to within a couple inches of the rim.
Lift stockpot from sink and transfer to stove. (Although appearances may vary, the stove is the thing with 4 or more circular metal bands on top of it; alternately, it may be a completely flat black glass surface. If you are unsure, ask your family, roommate, or neighbor for guidance.)
Find knob on stove that corresponds to the “burner” you have placed your pot on. In addition to words like “Right Front” or “Left Rear,” there are usually little pictures near the knobs to indicate position.
Turn knob to “High” and wait until water boils. Depending on strength of your stove and amount of water, the boiling time may vary. Note: DO NOT WATCH THE POT; it will never boil in the event that you do.
Boiled water may be used for any number of applications. Serve hot but do not drink.
Depending on water application, you may want to salt the water. Do this after the water has come to a boil.
Placing a lid on the pot will help it boil faster, with the additional benefit of blocking water from your line of sight, which, as stated above, inhibits the boiling process.
A father, passing by his sons’ bedroom, was astonished to see that his bed was neatly made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to “Dad”. With a sinking feeling, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is so much older than me. But it’s not only the passion-Dad- she’s pregnant.
Stacy says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to that fact the marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people who live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime, we will pray that science finds a cure for Aids so Stacy can get better, She deserves it.
Don’t worry Dad, I’m fifteen and know how to take care of myself.
Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your Son Tom
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Steves’ house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer. Call me when it’s safe to come home.